I'm your age and feel the same way as you do. I feel like the World is backwards. We're all told not to act selfish but there's a line where all people are selfish and they'll let you know it. And I feel like Robin Williams when he said "Sometimes it seems like everything's great in the World then at other times everything feels crazy". Life is a charade and you have to act to get through life. Everyone acts. Some people are better at it than others. The problem with acting is that there's no enjoyment behind it. Alan Watts calls it playing Hide and Seek with yourself: You let your true self out at times and at other times you hide your true self. It's rare for a person to display their true self 100% of the time. I don't have an answer for you. I feel like you do. I feel like I'm not accepted when I say something and criticized when I don't say anything. I constantly ruminate about it and I can't find a happy medium, it makes me depressed and it drains me.