I know I need to be inpatient. I know I need more help than I am getting. But my mind keeps telling me all these reasons not to go to the hospital: deductible, doctor's bills, missed work opportunity, sole breadwinner, it is what i need and would be a luxury and is therefore bad.

I know I am not making sense. I need to go. I wish someone would put me in the car and take me. But no one cares.

Bootstraps, etc. etc. Just plow on through.