II don't know if I'm posting in good topic but anyway.. I feel so unreal today. and like everything is unreal, doesn't matter... like someone would be talking to my ears but I can't hear it, stupid isn't it... couldn't get up today, for last few days I have to force myself to eating, cleaning face, doing anything.. but today this lack of power to do anything is way more heavier, even writing here now takes me a lot of time...I have no idea what to do.. my parents says only that I'm lazy, when I told my mother about my suicide feelings she only yelled at me that I'm stupid, that if I would go to work I wouldn't have feelings like that..yeah sure I can't even force myself to make commissions I supposed to draw 2 weeks ago... can't live like that, seeing my hand but don't feeling like they are mine, watching world around but not 'seeing it'... forcing myself to doing every simple task, I don't have any power anymore, no reason to even try...