I see red flags, whenever I see/hear of others, placing blame on others, for their own behavioral choices. Choices.

I realize that forgiveness is an artform and taught as ideal. Sometimes anger being felt, and seen clearly needs to happen. I'd be angry, if others in such a social circle were allowing such a fall out to affect my own relationship with them.
What matters, is your immediate family, yourself, your husband and your kids.
Naturally it hurts, to not be respected by someone that socially should, yet, sadly, it doesn't always happen that way.

If your husband can find it in him, to walk away, you can too.

Fretting over her inability to behave properly, only gives her power over your emotions. She's clearly not worth an ounce of your energy.

Sometimes, on an afterthought, forgiveness starts at forgiving oneself. For instance, forgiveness for wanting to be accepted by her, is one thought.