Thank you mountainbard! I've known for some time that things were off but the epilepsy really confused things. Since I didn't have the typical fall down shaking seizures I was thought to have DID for over 10 years. Now that I am properly diagnosed with epilepsy and the hallucinations and dissociative episodes that accompany it, its ruled out causes such as DID, schizophrenia, etc. I'm such a mess lol.
I read the stages and would have to say I'm stuck on two if that applies to me. In my anxious phase over the last couple years my pdoc tried to put me on anti depressants but I refused to believe I needed them, so I was stuck in a hole for two years because i knew better lol. But I remembered the time before, the time I had pink and blue hair, the time I was a dare devil and unafraid, the time I had confidence... But the drinking, unpaid bills, jealousy, I forget about those. I just never felt depressed, I never felt sad or hopeless... Just unmotivated, anxious, I was just there. Emotionless for the most part. Faking smiles, not because I was da but because I just didn't care. Since I didn't feel "sad" I just assumed I was learning to live with and cope with the epilepsy