I think you're onto something, but I also think it's not nearly as bad as you're making it out to be. Your mother hate you or wish you were dead. But I've found when I become obsessed with something, either that people hate me or just expressing my worries out loud, people can get frustrated. I've been practicing really trying not to talk to much to friends or my mom about what's going on in my head and I try to save it for my therapist.

Right now I'm struggling some because one of my best friends isn't calling me back for 2 days now. I saw her online, so I know she's around. But I constantly tell her all of my obsessive worries and I know she might just be thinking, "I can't deal with him today." But I know she doesn't hate me, even though the irrational thought has crossed my mind.

Hang in there. I'm a firm believer in the old adage, "Time heals all wounds." You'll just have to give this time. In the meantime, try to find something positive or productive to distract yourself.

Sorry for this giant response, but I just signed up and I'm excited by what I'm reading. Also a little manic!