ShantheArtist23, I am so sorry for your situation, and I'm in a similar place, though with many more years behind me than you. I want you to make it out of this so that you can enjoy the years ahead of you. I've had therapy in the past and here I still am, so I clearly didn't have the right therapist, the right kind of therapy, etc. I get discouraged that therapy is expected to be a years-long process. I'm curious as to whether you are on any medications? I don't have answers for you but am feeling for you, and want you, and me, to feel better. The messages that our parents inadvertently gave us can be so damaging and difficult to recover from, but we have to try. We have to triumph!

Hugs to you, my dear :-)