This is quite insightful on your part. You seem to know what is going on. It's hard to feel we need our therapists when we have been so hurt in he past.Are you going to give it to him? Maybe just writing it and talking about will help. Your feelings are very normal. As far as I know people have these feelings often in therapy. try to pick up and know it's par of the work. It hurts but it does feel better for many people.