Avoid the use of violence, or even the treat of violence. It will only validate her past experinces, normalizing violence as something that is ok. Sit with her, and hold her if she lets you. Offer her a reward if she calms down. Hang in there. You have my full sympathy. Remember to lower your shoulders and breathe deeply once in a while! Remember you might be one of the adults around her that will show her that life is a beautiful thing.