"Maybe i am being manipulated. She has told me repeatedly she wants to stomp me some for what ive done. She has threatened an affair or a one night stand. I see this as life with someone with depression and anxiety and chronic physical illness."

You wanted input from women, and I gave it in rather an abrupt manner. But I am a married woman who suffers from depression and anxiety.

I am only going by your description of her so this is my input based on that....no offense intended.

She's manipulating, punishing, and emasculating you. It seems, to me, that she's using depression as some kind of excuse for her behavior, which is very wrong.
She's also going BEYOND making you pay for what you did.

Personally, I'm fine with porn and you don't state whether YOU considered it to be bad when you were doing it or whether you think it was an addiction....

Let's say your morals are such that you think it IS wrong....You did it, you apologized, you stopped doing it.
That should have been the end of it.

My feelings are that I lose respect for a man who doesn't put his foot down, whether I am ill or have depression or are just fine. But that's just me....