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Old Oct 18, 2014, 04:37 PM
RuhmaRose RuhmaRose is offline
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Member Since: May 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeteNoire View Post
I had full blown paranoid delusions. To the point I was so convinced everyone in my life were competing in some sort of competition to get me to kill myself that I attempted suicide and left a note allocating points to those I thought most contributed to my death. (So they wouldn't have to argue over who deserved the prize.)

I couldn't have posters on my wall or look at photos in news papers because I was convinced the people in them were watching me.

There was also a period where I thought maybe I was on a T.V. show like in The Truman Show or that I was some cruel science experiment but neither of those were as fleshed out as the suicide competition.

They actually resulted in an argument with my pdoc because they weren't things I told him when I'd seen him previously so when I finally gathered the courage to tell him he insisted that there had to have been a trigger no matter what I said about having these feelings for years. Eventually I had to give him some BS story about something that had happened months before hand and that I felt hadn't really had much effect.

Dissociation wise sometimes I get feelings like I am not real but for the most part it's never been a serious issue. It's kind of like I'm floating on a cloud watching everything rather than a participating party. Everything seems dull and cardboard like but I continue doing what I'm supposed to because I don't know what else to do. lol
Oh wow that sounds so scary I tend to get these 'waves' of thoughts where I think God designed the whole world to work against me and that I'm the only one with a real conscious. Either that or I just feel like everyone's working together on a plan to make my life hell and then kill me. But it's never been anywhere near as bad as yours. I hope you feel better now
Hugs from:
HD7970GHZ, manxcatwoman
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ