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Old Oct 18, 2014, 04:39 PM
RuhmaRose RuhmaRose is offline
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Member Since: May 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeteNoire View Post
I had full blown paranoid delusions. To the point I was so convinced everyone in my life were competing in some sort of competition to get me to kill myself that I attempted suicide and left a note allocating points to those I thought most contributed to my death. (So they wouldn't have to argue over who deserved the prize.)

I couldn't have posters on my wall or look at photos in news papers because I was convinced the people in them were watching me.

There was also a period where I thought maybe I was on a T.V. show like in The Truman Show or that I was some cruel science experiment but neither of those were as fleshed out as the suicide competition.

They actually resulted in an argument with my pdoc because they weren't things I told him when I'd seen him previously so when I finally gathered the courage to tell him he insisted that there had to have been a trigger no matter what I said about having these feelings for years. Eventually I had to give him some BS story about something that had happened months before hand and that I felt hadn't really had much effect.

Dissociation wise sometimes I get feelings like I am not real but for the most part it's never been a serious issue. It's kind of like I'm floating on a cloud watching everything rather than a participating party. Everything seems dull and cardboard like but I continue doing what I'm supposed to because I don't know what else to do. lol
Also, I totally get the cardboard thing. Like everything is meaningless and hollow. And it feels as though you see things that way because you can see better than everyone else.
Hugs from:
HD7970GHZ, manxcatwoman
Thanks for this!
HD7970GHZ