Hello ocdbee: Wow... that's allot to take in! First of all, I would say, given what you've been through (both recently & long term) you're holding up pretty darn well! This is, it seems to me, something to celebrate!

Second, you know, there are various types of depression. And, although I can't say I've read this anywhere, I don't believe there is any reason to think a person can't have more than one at a time. Thus, a person could have a depression of long standing (months, years). This might be the result of both genetics & life experiences. But then a person could also experience a short-term depressive episode which is due to some recent difficulty (such as having a cat barf on your brand new school computer!) The two together are what we sometimes refer to as a "double-whammy"!

The third thing I wanted to touch on was your relationship with your boyfriend. Men, especially younger men I think, can be unfeeling & possessive. They don't understand what you're going through & they don't really care. Sometimes they may lack the capacity to care. They also often don't want anything to change. Of course, not every male you come into contact with is going to be this way. But from my perspective, there are plenty of those types out there. And, from what you wrote, it sounds as though your bf may be one of them.

It seems to me, with all you've been through, in your young life, & the concerns you have regarding your bf & your future, you really need to get into some kind of therapy services, assuming you don't already have them. You're carrying around a whole lot of baggage from all of the junk you had to deal with growing up, plus the chains your bf appears to be trying to lock you in. Then add to this the problems you've had recently with your jobs & your computers & the effect this is having on your school work... it's a wonder you're still standing up, if you ask me...

The other thing that comes to mind is if you happen to live in a location where there might be some kind of women's advocacy program available. If there is, & if you could connect with it, this might provide you with some opportunities to participate in some women's support groups, counseling services & / or mentoring opportunities. Having the opportunity to spend time with other strong women could be strengthening for you.

The mental picture I draw of you is one of this strong young woman who is dragging this big sack of rocks along behind her (your past), while she's being pummeled with hailstones (recent struggles.) Her bf is ambling along beside her (or maybe he's riding along on his motorcycle, or riding in his golf cart.) And all the while he's telling her not to change anything, just smile more! Somehow you have to find a way to reconcile your past, & figure what to do with regard to your bf & your future. You need to deal with the problems you have regarding your current work situation, your income, & your computer too. But these, by themselves, are temporary problems. It's only because of all of the other stuff, that these temporary problems seem so overwhelming. I hope that makes some sense. My best wishes to you...