There is a plan for each and every one of us...you included. Things can get better I've been where you are countless times before. Thru meds, dbt, therapy, pdoc, aa and a few friends I've really improved. You've got to want it...to get better I mean. There is proof that things can and will turn around for you. Pray for peace of mind and pray hard. I do this whenever I'm having a tough day...and I still have them but for the most part I've stabilized. Don't give in to the darkness. Your life is precious...you are precious.