I used to think I had multiple personality disorder but after seeing videos of it, I know I don't. Ever since I was in my teens, I have noticed that I can switch on an act. I do it to impress, to be accepted, to make people laugh, to get along with someone, to seem cool, fit in, be different, be kind, etc.
I know many people have different faces around people because it's natural. For me, it's very difficult to interact with people. I was shy as a girl but then grew out of my comfort zone and started being more outgoing even when I didn't feel comfortable being that.
I used to put on acts a lot. I will give you an examples: A guy I like approaches me at school so I start acting like I am this chill, down-to-earth girl to make him think I am it and to make him like me.
A popular girl who's my friend walks up to me or I walk up to her and I start acting very cheerful, happy, preppy.
I hung out with my friend and other boys. I am not myself because I am more sarcastic and mean and more more more funny than I actually am.
Now this wasn't really a problem until I started becoming exhausted that I do this. I didn't know who the real me was so I couldn't stay this ONE person.
I still struggle with this a bit currently but it wasn't as bad as it was in high school. I googled Not knowing how to act, who am I, etc. I still don't know who I am and I am 18.
I am positive most people don't have this problem to the point of having other problems included and seeing a therapist.
I get very self conscious.
Sometimes I feel like when I'm talking to someone I am intimidated about, i try to act like how they would want me to. But sometimes if I am talking to someone I don't feel intimidated at all with, I treat them like crap. I get very upset when I do this. It's something that I do naturally and then it scares me because I want to be seen as a nice person but when I am mean to someone unintentionally, I get freaked out that I do that.
What kind of "thing" would you guys call this? Why do I become super conscious about the way I am acting and if I should switch up my personality to impress someone? Why can't I be JUST ONE type of person. I know plenty of people that don't THINK about how to act. I DO.
In class, I decided I was going to be more out of my comfort zone and be outspoken in a way. I am not sure if this is really me when I DO participate in class and raise my hand and speak quite often. I get anxious after what I say in my head about if that was a good thing to say. Was it smart? Does this mean I am dumb? Does this mean my mind is not complex as other people who ask better questions? Does my teacher believe I am outspoken and a risk taker because I am like that in class? Should I stop living this lie? Should I just do whatever I truly feel at rest and comfortable with and not trying to disrupt my safe feeling
?

Please help.