I would not place much value on online psychological tests. Even if BPD applies to you, none of this is your fault. All you can do is live your life the best way you know how. I have done some terrible things to people. I did not understand how I could be like that. I still feel guilty. But the dx of BP helped me understand myself.

Most importantly, do take care of yourself, both physically, and especially, you rmental well being. Do not let your past behaviors take away your value as a person.