Oh wow, it is interesting you bring up the 'negative' stuff, because I was thinking about that earlier this week. I am trying to stop myself from saying *anything* negative when I meet people for the first time. It really does turn people off, even if it's just a complaint about the weather.

I had a weird interaction with someone else that reminded me how important this is. I was talking to this woman I had just met. She mentioned that her husband was ill and in the hospital. I told her I was sorry, but I didn't really know what to say beyond that - I don't want to ask for details or ask what he has, because maybe she doesn't want to talk about it.

Right after that, she starts talking about how a certain kind of flower always makes her think of the time she was in Germany when her daughter was sick. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but the impression I got was that her daughter had actually passed away. Again, she was kind of vague and I didn't want to pry.

So I am probably not going to approach her again for a chat. The conversation made me uncomfortable. She also never showed any interest in my life. I agree that it is best to keep things light and personal at first, save the heavy stuff for after you get to know people.

I agree that growing up in a screwed up home can really negatively effect how we make friends later on. I have a hard time figuring out what's acceptable behavior from a friend and what isn't.