Interesting experience and also you write beautifully. I also often laugh when I want to cry etc... After my second suicide attempt I lay in bed and I just started laughing. I couldn't stop for ages, I wasn't even sure why I was laughing. Maybe I was laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Anyway, how are you feeling now? Are you seeing a T at the moment? I'm quite worried for you, sounds like you're in a bad space