I have been having a really hard time lately. In fact if I look back on my life I realize that I have always had a hard time. I born with a bone disability and because of it I have suffered from chronic pain my whole life. When I got older I was diagnosed with bipolar.

Today I had the thought that maybe I am to damaged to live a life that I will be happy with. Maybe all the PTSD, chronic pain, bipolar, 14 surgeries, personality breaks and hospital stays will always force me to have to pay catch up. What if I will have to live the rest of my life being content with my life only being good enough.

This thought has haunted me all day. I know that my disability and bipolar will be a life long struggle. I am so afraid that I will never get to move on and do what I want to do. I am so afraid that I am going to have to miss out on even more of life. I am not really even sure how I will be able to support myself financially, physically and mentally. Mentally and physically I am so tired. This struggle has taken a huge toll on me. I currently cant work, drive or go to school because of my disability. I am forced to live with my mother because I have no were else to go. My mother drops hints every day that I should move out and give her the space she wants from motherhood. I would love to live away from my mother, she treats me horrible. Sadly I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't know what I will do now.... or in the future.