Can you take a risk and try to open up? I think that may help us help you.

Of course nobody but a professional can diagnose you, so I wouldn't worry so much about people telling you that you appear to be borderline. Other people can be notoriously inaccurate when throwing around mental disorders. I've had a few thrown at me, but no professional believes that I have them. A lot of disorders overlap so its important to get a professional opinion as soon as you are able to.