Hi Bamboo RedPanda, well I'd say that you've made a great start by starting to open up to/share how you're feeling with us. And thank you, it can't be easy for you.
I'm sorry that you're feeling that others in your life (or just people in general??) will judge you poorly if you just let go of the kind of things things you're thinking/feeling but can you think of any reason you feel that way??
Have people walked away from you before, not made you feel accepted or any experiences that have made you feel "less" than, or caused you to judge yourself poorly for example???
Maybe if you could tell us a little more???
And please don't worry about being treated like you're "second best"/not worthy, or people feeling badly towards you, there are a lot of non-judgmental people on here, and what you're feeling matters. So if we can try to help you, be there for you............
Now doesn't matter if you say something you think is "stupid", if you're saying what you're thinking/feeling it isn't stupid, and doesn't matter if things come out jumbled up, we can hopefully get there if you stick with it/us, OK??
So why not have a go at telling us a bit more about what's been happening for you, and maybe if we can help you feel "accepted", like you deserve to be, you'll be able to do that for yourself, and allow other people in to give you that acceptance (plus valuing, caring for you too).
Right here for you.............

Alison