A question: Is he really trying to get better/get help if he wants include you in something that he knows is wrong? Someone else posted that he's grooming you.

Is it possible that he told you all this because he sees that he's able to get you to accept it and not run away?

Because he's trying to engage you in something that is wrong I'm afraid for you.

I know some of these posts may be direct or seam stern in tone but it's because no one wants to see you get hurt.

I was emotionally/sexually abused as I'm sure others have been who are reading this thread.

What your boyfriend is doing is wrong and it/he is a danger to your mental health. This must be so difficult for you as you have feelings for him. Clearly he also has feelings for you but they are for reasons different than love.

Love wouldn't put another person at risk/ in danger mentally or physically.