It seems I cannot enjoy the moment. Or I just have to rumminate in between the moments.

So here I am working two jobs, both quite meaningful, being full fledge political activist... this is what I always wanted.

But I still have self-doubt, if i am good enough and about what is to come. Been quite hypomanic since early September.......... so at the moment I am anxiously happy. Maybe that is just it. Hypo thoughs. Already taking care of that with my Bach essences. Self-doubt and existentialist angst will be harder to break.

And yeah, political activism is double edged sword and I see we all now balance between "we got the world, or at least we saved our poor souls" and "the end is near". There is moments when it feels so worth it. But sometimes I wanna curl up and cry over the fact "people are stupid and don't care". It tends to exhausting. But I am learning so much.

Worried about the upcoming winter. For many reasons. S.A.D. That this winter might be decisive about how this new cold war turns out. The fact that idealism might keep me warm, but that might simply not be enough if Gazprom really cuts us off