I understand why he has shut down from everyone and everything. I didn't talk about my experience for over 20 years. To some of us, talking about it makes it real. Add to that the fact that no one around him understands him and the torment he is experiencing, not to mention he's probably experiencing the horrors of self-loathing and maybe even survivor guilt. There was a time when 'battle fatigue' was seen as weakness and cowardice, maybe it still is to some, I don't know. Our military does an excellent job of training our soldiers to become soldiers, but does little to train them on how to be a civilian when they return. There's a reason we lose more vets to suicide than war..........

For what it's worth, though, I think that's changing but change comes slowly.

I have never been a soldier, so I'm not even going to try to relate to what they experience, but I do have severe PTSD like many of them and I know what that does to you. I am very fortunate in that I have a husband that can somewhat relate to me, and had the courage to give me an ultimatum that finally gave me a reason to get off the path to hell I was on. He doesn't always understand me, and has been hurt deeply by me because of my PTSD, but he still loves me. I feel I owe it to him to work very hard to heal myself and I do.

Like me, I think your husband needs a reason to want to get better. My hope is that the two of you can work together to figure out what that is and get him started on the road to recovery. If the VA can't/won't help, then a civilian trauma specialist is an excellent place to start.