Talking to T about this hasn't been helpful...she always tells me I'm being hard on myself (which I know) and that I need to find compassion for myself (which I struggle with because I don't see why I should, especially when I feel guilty after doing something wrong). Even when I can see logically that the "wrong" thing I did was a 2 instead of a 10, I still feel incredibly guilty and just can't make those feelings go away.

Like yesterday I was judging at the debate tournament my school was hosting and I ended up getting paired to judge with this girl who is one of the senior debaters who I have a bit of a crush on (and also really admire her and respect her and just like her in general), and after the debate when the debaters were coming to ask us for feedback, she said something related to the debate topic that was factually incorrect (it was on separate high schools for LGBTQ students, and she said there weren't any such schools that existed so the topic was just hypothetical), and I interrupted her and told her there actually is a school for just LGBTQ students (Harvey Milk in NYC).

I wasn't trying to make her look bad; it's just a knee jerk response for me when I hear something incorrect to correct it (and there might have also been a small part of me that wanted her to pay a bit of attention to me and notice that I knew something relevant and sort of acknowledge my existence). I know I shouldn't have said anything, and it's something I've been working on literally all my life not to interrupt/correct people because it's a really natural response for me, and I know other people don't like it...and in the future I will try harder to just not say anything.

So I know logically it's not a huge deal; she's probably already forgotten about it; it was just a mistake that I'll try not to make in the future. And yet I feel incredibly guilty about it. I couldn't get it out of my head all day yesterday and today, and I just feel really bad about being rude(ish) to someone that I really like. I was thinking yesterday about going to up to her and apologizing, but by that time I figured she'd already forgotten about it and I thought she would find it strange if I brought it up again...but I just feel super uneasy about it, like I want to crawl out of my own skin. "Finding compassion for myself" is not actually something I can do.