Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure why I feel like I can't talk about these things, I know people have said that I can, I think I'm afraid that if I do they'll think something negative of me and then not talk to me ever again, which I don't want.

I guess it's just based off of a history of losing person after person, first my dad, then my aunt, then a bunch of friends (more complicated stories than that, but then the post would be very long). That's my best guess, when I look at my history I just see good people come in and then they're gone. So if I do anything to upset or put off those still in my life, they might leave too and I'll be even more lonely.

Recently that's happened again. People I thought really cared about me, suddenly not talking to me, and I think it's my fault I drove them away, so instead I get angry at them, tell them off, driving them away. I've done it so much that I just feel a bit isolated. Even those that seem pretty intent on sticking around, I don't trust them to do that, so if something seems just a little off, like they're upset with me about something, I get annoyed. First I ask numerous questions, and then I start calling them names and saying mean things to them, but if they give me a reason, suddenly I act like it was no big deal to begin with and start again.

It's all complicated, and I just don't know if I can talk to anyone about it, but obviously it's bothering me. I feel so lonely, I don't want to feel lonely