It hurts, when you want to be yourself, be who you are, and being told you are evil for such things. I'm sick of it, I can't help it. I wish it would go away.
It's either, I get them chopped off, or I can be who I'd like to be so I can easily comfort myself emotionally knowing sex isn't as scary what people make it. I only had sex with 4 females. 2 were casual, 2 were dates I had a great sex life with them for a very long time. All the girls I dated were cheaters, because they were nymphos not coming from me from them. I seriously did some crazy weird crap and I don't want to revisit those memories, because it wasn't a relationship in the end, because it was only about sex.

I don't have that happy medium, either someone who likes too tease too much and never gives and I get bored with them quick or someone who gives too much it makes me feel terrible and want to get out because they aren't healthy for me or them.

I seriously loved my ex girlfriend J... because she and I were unlikely, but really hit it off as good friends. I just didn't appreciate the drugs and her not communicating, and I understand she was not in a healthy place her parents are dead and she does alot of drugs and alcohol. Why she is my ex is because of the bad health choices through drugs and alcohol. I sometimes now feel like she is dead now. It hurts, a lot, and my ex before her was the one who I was supposed to have my beautiful daughter, but taken away from me and regardless. She would have custody even though I'd fear my daughter's life would be corrupted by her abusive compulsive behavior. I was afraid she hurt her physically and emotionally if she was alive now. I would never see her, she make up stupid stories and lies and no one would believe her, but understand she would still have custody. It really hits me, man I would of been dead now. Knowing I can't see my daughter, and the pain she is being put through now. My ex dates really messed up people and I don't trust anyone she would bring in her life.

That's why I'll never have children not doing that again.