Do you feel like the uncertainty of not knowing when an episode will occur holds you back in life, as far as your goals?

I have a B.S. and an M.S. and I have a great job, but it only requires a high school diploma and is not in my field. Yeah the economy has not helped, but I feel like I don't push myself to do extra activities to add to my resume to increase my chances of getting a job in my field because I'm scared. I'm on intermittent FMLA and I always end up on Medical Leave every year. Just recently I missed 2 1/2 months because I completely lost it. I'm not reliable, and if I want to go into my field I need to be reliable because my position will require this. I was diagnosed 7 years ago, and it seems like the meds work for awhile and then they have to be tweaked or I have to go on new ones. Also, I battle OCD and GAD as well that adds a tremendous amount of stress at work. I feel like I can't even handle this job, how can I handle one in my field.

Does anyone experience this? We never know when we are going to cycle out of control. Is it fair for us to let this disease completely take over our lives? NO, but sometimes I feel like it really does no matter how hard I try to not let it consume me, but it is something that we all have to face everyday. I'm reminded every morning when I get to open my shoebox that has all of my medicines and take my medications, and then at night the same thing. And then the days I call in and say to my boss "Sorry I won't be in today, it will be FMLA" and know that I let my co-workers down because they get to pick up the slack because I'm not there, but I just can't go to work and put that fake smile and win an Emmy Award today. Or when I'm at work and I just can't stop talking and bouncing around from subject to subject, and I know in my head at the moment here we go with the hypo mania. I can't move forward in my field of study when I'm acting this way. I faithfully go to my pdoc and do the therapy, but it's been medicine after medicine. Will there ever be stability so I can trust that I can be successful in what I dreamed about and worked so hard for? Can anyone relate?

BP1/OCD/GAD

Lamictal 400mg
Xanax ER 1mg am and pm
Propranolol 10mg am and pm
Topomax 50mg
Seroquel 300mg