I have felt like I belonged only a few times in my life but they were short term and only served to strengthen my beliefs that I deserved to be alone forever. Even as a child I did most things alone and found peace in solitary activities. There were (and still are) times though when I desperately craved physical contact with a female and not for sex. I am married right now but my wife is the type of person who is satisfied with just hugs every day.

I have been ostracized by so many people that it just seems like another day now when it happens. I know I am weird but I am also kind, gentle, caring and giving, yet the only time anybody notices these things is when they need to take advantage of me for some reason. Sometimes I weep, not because I am alone but because it so saddens me that the world is the way it is.

I think my life has continued this way for so long that there is no point in believing things will ever be any different. I am 53, tired, broken and wish I could just get sick and die. I have given up on the world except for the few strands that hang onto these forums. But no matter how deep I sink I always hope I have said or done something each day that will help another get through their day or maybe even improve their life.

Life has been a very confusing ordeal for me. I hope you do better.