I also want to tell those close to me about the dark stuff in me....but have learned not to. I share some things with them, so they know when I'm struggling, so I don't feel like I'm hiding things from them.....but when things are really bad, I keep that away from them.

I have found it more helpful to tell THAT side of things to docs, therapists, people here. It's like....I wouldn't expect a florist to have the knowledge to fix my car. I wouldn't expect a mechanic to be able to do surgery on me. So on the "mental" stuff, there comes a point where I have to seek out "specialists" to help me deal with the issues.

For you, I'd suggest - ask yourself WHY you have such a strong urge to tell your friend. Are you hoping she can stop you from acting on your feelings? What do you hope to accomplish by telling her these things? Would it be better, perhaps, to protect her from that knowledge? What if SHE can't deal with it? Not everyone around me can handle my darkest moments. Doesn't make them bad,....just means they can't handle it. I hope things get easier for you, soon!