I'm still really embarrassed by my memories of my first T. She was the first person I told about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. And she commented that I was a good person, and that I was being too hard on myself.

For some reason that comment made me angry, and I tried to prove her wrong. I remember focusing on that statement, and just thought it was ridiculous. For one thing, she didn't have any idea who I was, we'd only been meeting together for a week or 2.

Anyway, I went out of my way to prove her wrong (I didn't tell her), and did some things that I regret so much, that I can barely bring myself to talk about them. (nothing illegal). I did tell my last T about what I consider to be the worst offense.

I saw my first T about 25 years ago, and the way I went about trying to prove her wrong still really bothers me.

Edit: I have no concept of what made me react the way I did (it wasn't very long after meeting with her that I tried to kill myself, I only saw her 4 or 5 times) or how to forgive myself.