To further add, you could argue that the boyfriend here is grooming the original poster. Which is true.

But the boyfriend here has also been groomed by his mother. And that mother clearly has problems probably stemming back to her parental relationships.

You can only fight abuse with compassion and understanding. It won't be easy, but if this man is worth it, you will put in the effort. You have to be 100% honest with your feelings. You won't be able to solve anything by hiding from your feelings.

You have to make it clear how much he's hurting you. If he really loves you, seeing you hurt will hurt him too. He will cry. He will have no choice but to change or lose you. If he doesn't care about your feelings then that is your clear sign to leave. He's not ready to change.

But first you need to be brutally raw and open with him. If you don't do this now you will never know, and keep on going living a lie. Is that what you want?

No? Then talk to him.