I've never been totally out of touch with reality/experienced psychosis. However, I've had multiple experiences of very strange thinking patterns/events, for example:

- wondering if someone is trying to poison me (my bf slipping something into my mouth while kissing, roommates putting something in my toothpaste)

- sex/relationship-related conspiracies (my bf is having an elaborate affair based on truly ridiculous/irrational 'evidence,' or my married friends are trying to entangle me in a bizarre sex game)

- seeing the shadow of my eyelid on the white of my eye and believing the reason for the bruised/black look was that my brain was leaking blood...(I feel this is related to other fears I have about getting sick, e.g., when I thought I had a brain tumor etc.)

-generally 'heightened' perception - like my peripheral vision is more like an animal's and I see/react to tiny movements very quickly, which sometimes feels like I'm seeing things that aren't there (some movement/shadow becomes a spider crawling across my bed)

With the paranoid thoughts I definitely react to them but not as someone would if they were totally convinced. for example, I still used my toothpaste but very hesitantly and with anxiety, and I got into a huge fight with my married friends but didn't explain my anger. As far as the blood, I did completely lose it and called family hysterical while driving myself to the ER, only to go temporarily 'blind' and end up at a friend's panicked and in tears...once they calmed me down and had me look in a mirror with them though I was ok.

I feel like this kind of warped thinking is partly why I have such a hard time maintaining a sense of perspective...I feel like I can't trust myself. I'm wondering if this is a BP thing and/or if anyone else experiences something similar?