This post echoes what I'm feeling recently. Over the past six months, I've really begun to look more in depth about what I expect from life, whether that be family, work, or home. I've discovered that even though the type of work I'm doing can be interesting and my position pays well, I really do not like having a full-time job.

When I had graduated from college and was living with my parents again, I couldn't find a job. This turned out to be a benefit, because I had much more time to devote to my musical pursuits, I was a more attentive girlfriend (now married to then-boyfriend), and I was able to focus on my health and well-being. I found myself going outside more, taking bike rides, researching things I was interested in, practicing my trumpet a lot, planning dates, and being overall happier. The only downside is that I had absolutely no income and student loans were about to enter repayment. That is one of the reasons I had to get a job.

After about a year in my first full-time position after college, I decided I wanted to go to grad school. The schooling part of that decision was great; I learned a lot about myself and made new friends, felt like part of a community. However, that increased my student loan debt. Sometime in that year I also bought a car. You can see where I'm going with this...

Now, married at 27, paying rent, repaying student loans, paying a car payment, credit card debt, and general living expenses I find myself more depressed than I have been in the last 5 years. I love my husband, and I love that we're trying to buy a house, but I hate paying bills, I hate working, and I hate that I have to work in order to stay afloat. I actually miss that year after college when I had the freedom and time to focus on things that actually added value to my life: music, self-study, romance, etc.

Working at my M-F, 8-5 job does not add value to my life. I find it extremely difficult to get out of bed in the morning, to make myself travel the 25 miles to my job, to sit at a desk inside instead of being in the beautiful Arizona fall weather (80+ degrees, sunny, breezy, beautiful). I find when I get home I have no energy or excitement for things I want to do, because I've spent 40+ hours a week doing something I hate.

I just don't know how to get out of debt and be job-free. I'm sure if my husband enjoyed his job (he hates his, much more than I do), and made as much money as I do he'd be more open to the idea of me becoming a stay-at-home wife, and possible future mother. But, every time I've brought up the subject, he immediately shoots it down: "we can't afford that, you'll get bored" etc. I just really hate spending my life working, when I could be doing something meaningful and awesome.