I'm being pushed to the point again, I just want to be at work or around friends, and be like, "f... you, and you and you and you... You're cool... and most of all you can all go to h... I'm out. Peace!" And just die right there. I'm like I finally can see my therapist thursday, but damn. I'm not safe with how I feel, like I'm getting paranoid and feeling like people either want me to stay alive to suffer and try their hardest to keep me caged or they want me to stay alive to kick me in the face and suck it up life sucks 24/7... Like I don't know whether I just want to get away and quit on living around people and be a hermit, or I need better friends.

This isn't bringing me happiness and I get more pissed off and offended greatly when people give me do what makes you happy. Well what makes me happy is impossible, because all of you guys shut me down. So why the hell I exist anyways. It's never about me, it's always leave me in the dust and meet up so I can get **** on. What is living worth anyways. I'm just the complainer the, b.... you always wanted, and I can't get a girl, since I'm a chick the wrong body. I can't express my feelings, or I'm going to get ignored and when people ask me what's wrong.

I tell them always, leave me a lone don't worry about it, you won't understand I don't care telling you, I'm not saying this because I'm overly emotional, I just don't care telling you it wont' help.

It's so infuriating the favoritism I'm stuck with, I'm always pushed away from every friend group. My friend tells me that I am trying to make new friends but not in the right way, because they don't understand me. Well no S... sherlock, I am surrounded by people on the wrong planet. I don't belong here, I don't have aspbergers, I'm not ADD, I'm not schizophrenic, and nothing wrong with those diagnosis, but it seems like no matter who has what. I can't cope with my life shutting everyone out, because I'm tired of the ignorance and the life I'm stuck with everyone being stupid. I feel like I'm in a horror movie, people try to tell me what's wrong, I'll be screaming in a panic, knowing they are going to do something later or now to hurt me more than already.

I can't be honest with my feelings, because people like me are supposed to die or be locked in a ward, if I'm different I don't belong in this world. People haven't changed since the asylums were all torn down for legal reasons and mental health is on the rise. My city has no body who cares, you are either in prison, homeless, beaten and left to die. I can't be honest, because I'll end up as 1 of those 3. I'm not going to let people push me there. Is it completely legal for me to just literally walk out my door go far far away in the woods, and live off the land alone. I can do it, I already know how to, but I won't because people will try to find me and bring me back. I personally just want to be a hermit and pretend everyone around me doesn't exist. I can't live here, you're whole existence is a piece of paper and people have to shove you in a box for storage again and again till you die. I don't know why people accept this, I seriously don't want to be around this anymore. I have to work at a stupid job for someone else's dream and I'm struggling to move around or not knowing how much I got left in my life from my medical stuff. It's like why should I even bother with the crap people worry about, then I get called out and shunned for being different and pointing it out as kind of stupid and redundant. I'm not saying it has to be, but I'm sick of everyone complaining to me, and I have no say ever, I'm always dumped on by my parents, my friends, everyone. I can do much more than what people give me and all I want to do is never come back and keep my good memories the way they were. I just want to die by an ocean on a lawn chair looking out there. Not in a nursing home, and let me guess, I won't have that choice either, I need clearance for that too. Seriously everything is a big FU to living life. I'm not taking it..