I am always balancing between these extremes!
"everything is still possible, actually everything is fine" and
"all is lost, it's too late to change, I'm stuck like this forever"

little details can cause such a strong mood swing that lasts for days or until another little detail is changing it back. there is so little between fine/almost fine and deeply depressed/hopeless/self-hate.
it's just black and white. I'm like a light-switch. that's not normal, is it??

should there not be something in-between?
okay, now I am sort of in a low mood but not too bad. I am not really happy about anything but I can be comfortable, function and laugh about funny things. it's also no problem to make jokes myself and start some sort of activity. I think I am close to normal. so I would say I am on the good side now.
but the last two days were so so bad…!

it is like this with all these issues. if it looks like I can find a good job I am good. if I find out it doesn't happen I am bad. If I think I look good or am skilled at something I feel fine, if someone criticizes me I am bad. if there is any sign I can find a partner I am optimistic and if not I am not.

it's so simple. but not great. I can tell myself well everything is fine but if I see the slightest indication that it's not true but naive or delusional everything crashes.

I am trying to do things I want and take responsibility. I get this is the way to go. maybe this is some therapy effect? where I am supposed to try and deal with things not going my way?
...