I looked it up. I feel like it's not super severe as not being able to be here in reality all the time. I can still have conversation with people and listen in class but I find that my mind drifts and I think about things. Mostly it's about the same thing so I guess it could be obsessive. I wake up and I think am I sad today? I'm going to not to be sad and think of quotes and what I reminded myself yesterday to make myself happy and confident, I do this every single morning and I guess it is not normal. In order for me to function, I NEED to think of a quote or a reminder to myself to make myself happy again. This is very exhausting because if I don't, I will be depressed very quickly and very easily. It's like my mood depends on if I can recall the happy reminder I tell myself. It is weird and every day, I HANG on to the positive quote or whatever to help me function. I HANG ON to screenshots that uplift me and HANG ON to the reminders to remind myself to say something good about myself or a reminder that these are just my negative thoughts.
It is confusing isn't it? I basically live according to my reminders and it's not fun to do that.