Since I was a child, I have often spent a great deal of my time daydreaming about disasters. I'd have daydreams about what I'd do if my family got shot down on a forest road while in hunting territory and how I would find my way back to civilization miles in the bush. I would also have tons of dreams about being a soldier in a war, and taking on missions where I knew I would get shot, but was lucid enough to know that I couldn't be killed. Often, I was the last second hero.

Over the years I have found that my daydreams of crisis come and go. They are very very detailed. Recently, I had a great deal of time pass when I was daydreaming about what would happen if I crossed the Buffalo/Ontario border back into Canada (I am Canadian), and in customs, two men who were terrorists were to try to take over the checkpoint. How would I get the rest of the people on the travel bus out to safety? How would I get help? How would I do First Aid on the wounded? Delegate... very detailed stuff.

I have anxiety issues - have had them very many years. Over the past few years it has gotten to a hair trigger as I went through homelessness, intense emotional abuse, social isolation, college, issues with housing, and then serious health issues which will now affect me for the rest of my life. I feel like my life is just wave after wave of unending crisis. I get some minor breaks in between - but if I put down my guard or rest, I always pay for it in the end.

I would love to hear comments on the day dreaming. I'm curious as to how this might be functioning. Is it a control response to anxiety and chaos? Is it healthy? Is it a way of release? Why is it that I can feel so amazingly in control of these scary scenarios, and so little control over my own health and day to day life?

I am on meds, which have been beneficial. I have several stress reduction strategies, but nothing that makes things manageable. I have a 3" binder of health docs and doctors (so far 9 in total) that are keeping me functioning. I am not married. Few friends. No social life. In financial free fall.