Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature1968
So after you cried and told her how you were feeling then you were able to have sex ?
Sounds to me you put to much stress on yourself and once you saw she was cool with how you felt you were able to
have sex is that right ?
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I noticed that after venting out, I felt relieved enough to let things flow a little more. At least I got hard.
But I wouldn't say she was cool with how I felt.
I'd rather say she was perplexed. Like she didn't know what to do.
And that confuses me a lot.
Not that she looked disgusted. But she didn't seem to like it either. And yet, we made out again and have sex, although I didn't reach orgasm. I don't know. Mixed signals?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingforCalm
You seem like you are a very caring person, but I do feel as though that a week is way too soon for such intimacy. From what I read, you guys both are kind of "panicking" already about where this is going. You need to give a blossoming relationship time to do just that - blossom. That means taking your time.
I hope you find someone you can talk to about this, and find peace with yourself. And please - slow down.  |
Today I took some time to think about with calm. And yes, I agree, it was too soon for such intimacy.
I sort of realized I felt kind of pushed.
Not that she did pushed me. I felt that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaliope
that certainly does seem like a lot to lay on a date of only a week. but more important is evaluating where you are emotionally. it sounds like you lack confidence and self esteem and this is really affecting you in relationships. on top of that, you have difficulty with emotional regulation. you are going to need to feel good about yourself before you feel worthy in someone else eyes. until you are comfortable with who you are, you are probably not going to feel worthy in a relationship. therapy will really help you build self confidence, self worth, and gain coping skills for emotional regulation.
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It's the first time in over two years that I date someone I really like. Or, at least, someone I seem to like (right now, I don't know how should I feel around her). I felt like there was a lot at stake. My previous relationships were just awful. And the way she acted around sex that night (and I don't mean to blame her) made me feel like I was in some sort of playing a single penetration (no pun intended) game, and that if I did something wrong, she would call the next in line.
It's a lot to deal with, actually.
And I think we sped up things so much that I happened to act this way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
It's tough to move on when you feel as if you've humiliated yourself.
I fully expect it to take a few days. But don't worry, this too shall pass.
Let this incident and this non-relationship go. Learn from it. And move forward. But don't expect it all to be back to normal in one day. Ever.
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I'm not expecting to get back to normal with her ever again. Not at all.
I'm just getting used to the idea of having crossed the point of no return.
But who knows.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilypup
This sounds like a lot for a short relationship. It would be overwhelming for most people.
Don't beat yourself up over your tears or the erection. That sort of things happens. But it does need to be quickly moved on from.
Give it another try with someone else. Do you have a therapist? Setting some boundaries for yourself might be good. Hugs.
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No, I don't have any therapist.
I guess it was all a matter of speed.
She invited me over her place three times before during that week. Even before we started to date.
That's what I mean when I say I felt kind of pushed.
Maybe she just wanted to have sex. Which is completely valid.
But it's not the way I'm used to get along.
I've been single for more than two years.
I got tired of having casual sex and one night stands.
I've gone under a circumcision surgery two months ago.
It's a lot to keep in mind.
I'm eager to spend time with someone and to get to know each other well. Things got too fast, and I agreed merely in order to not getting dumped. I wanted to keep her happy. And not only I was unable to do so, but also I made miserable myself. Big deal.
I freak out every time I think about how things are going to be. Not regarding this girl, whom I acknowledge lost for good. I wonder if I'll ever met someone who cares about me enough to be supportive if things don't go so well the first time we get intimate.
I've been talking yesterday with a few female friends, and they told me that all of them went through something similar. I mean, being with someone who couldn't get hard the first time (not the crying part). They swore me is totally common to expect something like that. I would love to meet someone who is as understanding and helpful and caring, so that I don't burst into tears.
There are bunch of guys who complaint about how hard is to get a woman in bed.
There are bunch of women who complaint about how guys can't think of anything but getting them into bed.
And I happen to meet a girl who wants me to have sex with her from before the first date, when I would have prefered to getting to know each other the better. How can somebody live so against the current? (I'm talking about me).