If for me to stay, they really have to show some character, be an awesome person to be around, not all the time just someone who doesn't expect so much from me and be so hard on me like everyone else and I can easily accommodate the same respect no problem like in my previous relationships. I hate it how now, I'm surrounded by self loathing losers you're stuck around them in such a large area you start to become one yourself. I'm not letting that happen, I don't want to be sucked into a dull life and expect to do house chores of someone who won't clean up after themselves and put their problems on me. I'm not going to have children or be around anyone who expects me to pick up after them. I will not have it again, I am never stooping myself so low for another person like I did with the females I've dated before. I demand respect through my actions, and they do the same for me, but I don't want the same BS like before of playing cat and mouse whose going to be put in the ******* first. I learned from my mistakes I don't get clingy I don't put sex at a high priority with love that's childish and silly. I don't make things so harder on the other person on expectations, but only expect respect and mindfulness. I want someone who cares, seriously. I put physical attraction on low priority list, but someone I can be free sexually and they can too and I won't be jealous I want that trust so bad. That confidence and security someone is going to be your best friend no matter what, together or not. It's not leaving, I'm not into the superficial garbage everyone is into, I'm more daring and enjoy being different. Unfortunately from my family, friends, and people I'm constantly around. I get bored very very easily, I like to stimulate my mind intelligently all the time and learn things and take it serious effort to learn from my own self and others with the world around me.

I want someone like me in the regards of intelligence self respect and respect of others mindfulness. Like I said someone who cares, and doesn't judge and not just barely tolerates someone who accepts, validates, and encourages me positively. Instead of saying, "eww you're gross, too needy, you gotta attend my needs before I help you all the time." It's people like that, who indulge in that laziness doesn't work for me, and a lot of everyone I know my age settles for looks and that personality, which isn't bad if they like it, but I can't stand it, it feels entrapping, scary, and it feels like you're with someone who constantly has a gun to your head at the same time it feels sexually exciting which.

I finally learned after 8 ex girlfriends, that's not sexy, even though my body enjoys that punishment. I emotionally hate it, and it's degrading as a human. It bugs me when I was in that state it doesn't matter how dominant you think you are, that person gets in your vulnerable spot. Assumes weakness wreaks havoc on your personal well being from the inside out then later finds a bigger tougher guy to leech on and uses her sexual prowess to gain power and also her female vulnerability as a form of manipulation for her only benefit and hurting everyone around her even family.

I'm not going to lie, I had enough of girls like that. Who are children and won't grow up they should not have children and if they do. I hope those kids grow up ok, because they were completely miserable to be around. I couldn't stand my self was so damaged by the sex I was engaged my virginity taken by these emotional leeches instead of fixing themselves they target weaker people. Like the girl who took my virginity took advantage of that and admittedly brags a lot about how she used me to get so much sex, and she always came back for more from me, because she knew she liked it the best.

She never loved me, only my body parts.

It's why I hate being a guy, and people assume only women have this. No no no you have not experienced what I experienced. It can happen to anyone. I left because I needed to take care of myself for once and now I feel like I'm dying a lot, because I grieved so much losing a child with one in a very terrifying dramatic situation that should of been avoided, but I'm glad the abortion happened, because my daughter would of been born into hell and I could never live the rest of my life with that on my conscience while my ex brings whatever stranger home to who knows what he could do.

I kept in my pants, but after being sexually assaulted a lot and violently raped against my own will when I was a vulnerable child. Masturbation and sexual depression a high libido and the hatred of everything about my body came into play because of all of it.

I seriously want someone who can end it, just someone who knows and trust I'm not going all banshee like every other if another guy touches her or flirts, because she has the common sense and she respects me. If something went wrong she told me, and made sure I'm 1 on priority list emotionally, but it wouldn't be just that. It be my investing to make sure I'd be her support all the way and our relationship would be on a strong friendship. Not, "you sucked his **** and had sex with blah blah blah. YOU *****! You're a cheater" like I see everywhere. It's so silly. I can't understand why people around me want to date someone for the dumbest superficial reasons and have it all fall apart from someone not communicating has sex with some girl or guy whatever and it all blows up to something it shouldn't.

That's why relationships fail no one cares to tend if it needs to. It's also because the same has been done unto them, but can't people just stop and think. That when you mature you will realize that if you keep leaving people and people keep leaving you whose is really going to stay, because everyone is going to play hot potato for however how long till they settled for someone they really like that may not be what they really want or someone that works for them thankfully.

I stopped caring, about that stupid petty stuff I see on tv and what everyone worries about when it comes to girls integrity or guys when it comes to relationships and above all sexuality. I can see where this sex negativity comes from, it starts from guys who choose not to care, then women who were hurt end up doing the same thing to other guys and girls. It's a vicious cycle that no one cares to notice and it's what's making me say no no no no no.

When someone likes me, I really am experiencing what girls feel when a guy tells them they are beautiful and can't count how many times a guy said that to her.
I feel it a lot, and when a girl does say a compliment I don't take it an offense ever. Just only it's implication is really dicey and I don't think they are just being nice, because it's not that I'm shy. I just lost credibility of what people say about me, when a girl says something trying to get my attention or wants me to make moves on her. I'm wondering, "is this really worth my time? I really should tell her no now, but I'll see. Is she really what I'm sexually attracted to? Most importantly how long is she going to care and keep this attention up if I went for her?"

I always do this and don't make moves often, because they aren't deserved for people who expect me because I'm a guy. I won't give attention even if you are beautiful if you are fishing for compliments you get none from me or just a quick, "nice" and look away to ignore you faster. I'm seriously being a "****" because I'm sick of this crap I get.

Seriously, I hate being a guy because of this. It's like I tell her to grow up and I get called out for it when I didn't smack her ***, or tell her anything sexual or trying to push myself on her, because I'm not going to be like that. I was raped violently from people who did that to me, what makes you think I would like to do that to someone else. It puts me off in the worst mood.

I don't hate women, just stupid ignorant women who make it harder for themselves and other guys and women alike. I don't settle anymore. sorry not sorry. They are the same people who call me the "nice guy" when in reality. I'm a good person, but I'm not their version of a "nice guy" I'd be a complete asshole, because I don't fall for their BS.. I wish a girl did that too me, but someone I think is attractive and isn't going to try to tear me limb from limb internally to get what she wants.

I wonder if I'm the only one who notices this. I have my many female friends who have witnessed it and were outraged by the behavior who do this, but at a cost. They don't fully understand themselves or if they did it down the road what consequences it can have on themselves and others.

It's why I don't want sex now, but I'd hope one day I can live out some of the fantasies just to get this weight off my back. Just to say I did it even once and feel confident about my sexuality is so much better than where I'm at now, because it's not about a pride of being alpha. It's just I want to have crazier kinkier sex with a girl I like a lot with her having the same freedoms. Knowing, she understands me at my level and do anything to accommodate it, and I do the same. It's not that much, I want this pain I live with the unjustified rape I endured with by a man who is still free and my life ruined early on finally put to rest.