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Oct 21, 2014, 06:02 AM
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Sojourner
Community Liaison
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 2,059
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
What about just giving up... Even when things are going well sometimes, when I get angry, when I see how bad I was during my dark time, when I see the damage I have done I just want to walk away. That thought constantly plagues. Me, that my family will be so much better without me... That my two daughters and my husband are only suffering by having me in their life... I don't think I could ever actually be suicidal but the thought of running away to live under a bridge is because of this. I just hate the way I have been, I just hate what I have done and I think they would be much better off without me
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This is your illness speaking, Purple. This is the dark voice of depression saying "I'm worthless. The world would be better off without me." I know. I've heard that voice a million times during my down times. And the irony is, dark as that voice is, it has an attraction to our out-of-balance brains. Managing bipolar is all about restoring balance and stability to our lives. That's not an easy thing to do. I'm still struggling to achieve it every day. But I've gotten far enough to know that the thought that I'm a worthless burden to the world, and all variations of that thought, are the cheat of my disease, and not my thinking. And I hold on to the hope that one day I will see my disease so clearly that it will no longer have any power over me; that I will be able to live a normal life, with my bipolar completely managed and fully in check.
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Dx Bipolar II 2014 -- currently in remission
Stay calm, be kind, have hope, love lots, and be well.
"Listen to the deep voice of your soul. Do not be distracted by the voice of your mind." -- Caitlin Matthews[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE]
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