<font color="#000088"> Hi Bradh -

First, you are MORE than welcome here. We're all in this together and we make NO judgments against another. Otherwise, this would be pointless. Also get the guilt trip off the table. Speak as much as you want - again, this is what we are here for.

Second, if you are having ANY suicidal ideations, it is imperative that you get to an ER or a hold of you therapise/P-Doc ASAP!!! WE DO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU!!! I'm sure your children want you around as well.

From one BP sufferer to another, I guarantee I have heard and/or seen it all. Patience, as you indicated in your post, is something VERY few have when it comes to this disease. Since it is not something tangible, such as a physical ailment, no one really can 'see' or 'understand' per se....

Not here though.... Here, you can be,say, and do what you please. Your welcome 'letter' is onehell of a start. I can also tell you're truly and genuinly TRYING!!! I just got out of an 11-day episode which, looking at the physical damage to my house, will cost about $4000.00 to replace everything.

I don't want to sound like I am preaching so I will leave the conversation and door open to you. Feel free to respond when you want & however you want. Use the PM (Private Message) feature if you want to discuss something with me or anyone else for that matter without having to post in a forum. Your call my friend!!!

Hang in there, please get a hold of the doctor NOW, and if you cannot, the mere thought of suicide has me petrified. I'm sure your wife and children feel the same and will do ANYTHING to help you. Get to the ER if you need to as well!!!

Pleasure to meet you and I better hear that you took care of this VERY SERIOUS aspect of the disease. We're here for ya!!

Niko</font>