I often feel the same way, like I am being forced to do something, part of me wanting to do it because it is right, because I feel sorry for X, another part of me that wishes someone else would pick up the slack, etc.

What I have learned through observation is that other people do pick up the slack. Things get taken care of, maybe not as well as they would have if I was doing them, but they get done if they have to be.

When this daughter gets here, she will quickly see that her father is much worse than she realized. His bad situation has been masked, to an extent, by all the work you've done, so it is understandable that she doesn't know how bad it is.

I like your idea about arranging a conference with her and the VA. I also like the idea of you getting out of town while she is here and coming back perhaps on her last night so she can buy you dinner. Someone needs to!

Another thing to think about - what if you come down with the flu or bronchitis this winter and can't leave your house? What happens to him then?