What about just giving up... Even when things are going well sometimes, when I get angry, when I see how bad I was during my dark time, when I see the damage I have done I just want to walk away. That thought constantly plagues. Me, that my family will be so much better without me... That my two daughters and my husband are only suffering by having me in their life... I don't think I could ever actually be suicidal but the thought of running away to live under a bridge is because of this. I just hate the way I have been, I just hate what I have done and I think they would be much better off without me