You seem to see it as something must be missing. That there is some spiritual void that must be filled and that intuitively deep inside I know what it is. All solutions come from within. These problems are existential ones.

If this is true I have not found what is missing and filled it in such a way as to cure depression. I have filled those voids in many ways but not when it comes to depression. In general I am a very content at peace person with a strong desire to help others in anyway I can, and I do. I love the simple things in life and get great satisfaction from them. I will not say I am happy joyous and free but I can use the words content, at peace, empathetic, compassionate, satisfied, loved, worthy of love, etc. When I am depressed all that is still there but might be buried and hard to get in touch with.