EllieMay, you're talking my talk here. I find the idea exceptionally empowering. I've been practicing this type of therapy in my own life for around five years, along with REBT.
The idea that everything in our lives is a choice and the choices are taking place right now is from Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory. Dr. Glasser was an M.D. psychiatrist. He also created Reality Therapy.
Choice Theory says the only person we can control is ourselves. Other people do make bad choices and, as Venuss said, the choice we have is how we deal with what those other people do, which may, indeed, be harmful, destructive or wrong.
Choice theory says that all long-lasting problems are relationship problems. It also says -- and this was hard for me to take in -- the problem relationship is always part of our current life. When I studied Choice Theory, I realized we carry problematical relationships from the past around with us in the present, even if we haven't been in the problematical relationship for years.
Choice Theory says that what happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our needs right now and plan on continue satisfying them into the future.
I use Choice Theory in my own daily life, often stumbling and falling back into old ways, but pulling myself back up again and going forward. By using Choice Theory, I was able to heal the most problematical relationships in my life and start feeling a lot better.
Dr. Glasser recently passed away. He developed Choice Theory in the late 1990's and dedicated the rest of his life promoting it. I don't know if he trained enough therapists for it to continue on and grow, but I know I'll keep using it in my own life, going back to the books to refresh myself when I begin to lapse into old ways. Obviously, I find it empowering. Finding fault and blaming is considered one of the Seven Deadly Habits that destroy relationships and happiness. If we make a bad choice, one that doesn't work out, Choice theory encourages us to accept it and learn from it.
And, yes, it does recognize that people often make many bad choices before they figure out how to make better, more life-enhancing choices on a regular basis. Choice Theory therapy is exceptionally non-punitive.
I wrote Dr. Glasser several times, asking him questions. He always responded helpfully.
Here's some info and a link to his website.
Quote:
In practice, the most important need is love and belonging, as closeness and connectedness with the people we care about is a requisite for satisfying all of the needs.
Choice theory, with the Seven Caring Habits, replaces external control psychology and the Seven Deadly Habits.
External control, the present psychology of almost all people in the world, is destructive to relationships. When used, it will destroy the ability of one or both to find satisfaction in that relationship and will result in a disconnection from each other.
Being disconnected is the source of almost all human problems such as what is called mental illness, drug addiction, violence, crime, school failure, spousal abuse, to mention a few.
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Choice Theory - William Glasser Institute