You operate in dichotomies. There are various degrees of mental thoughness. And... you don't ever feel weak? I sure as hell do. I have weak moments and spots. I try to change that, because that is not helpful.

It's not easy to stop rumminating. But is it worth it? Yes. Do I wish I could do it even better?

You spend lot of time explaining why you can't do things. How about slowly practice doing them? How about each time are about to defend why you can't, just can't... you spend the time on guided imagery countering your thoughts? Maybe let yourself roll and dwell on it for limited amount of time. Put on alarm clock for five minutes. Then... imagine burning that **** on fire.

Each time intrusive thought pops up, try to counter it. Have mantras to remind yourself of who you are and what you want.

what you want from life? From yourself? How you imagine wellness? And how you want to get there?