I asked my Pdoc about Borderline Personality Disorder only a couple of months ago. His questions and what you have described are along the same lines. Not to say that is what you have, but I would certainly be talking to your Pdoc about what you are experiencing and see what help is available.

The fact that you are posting on here and looking for answers to me indicates that you want this situation to change, and are looking for answers, which in itself shows you are not a bad person.