Hi Sector7,
Just a few thoughts................
I know what you mean by the massive difference between clicking with someone or not really clicking with them, but sometimes with some people that whole "really identifying" with them/them with you might come over time instead........do you think maybe you could spend more time, maybe talking about more/different/deeper things???
Maybe make/hang onto more "casual" friends/acquaintances and see where things go over time???
Then do you think perhaps your concerns about losing them if they were to be closer might be holding you back from investing as much into conversations/pushing the boundaries on conversations or talking on more personal levels??? Or the darkness you mentioned???
But you don't think you're holding others to too high standards, do you??? I mean as you're so close to your friend and were so close to your girlfriend, maybe a lot of people are going to fall well short (very noticeably!!) short compared to the way you feel about them.........but maybe with time they may come just a little closer????
I've really got to commend you on how hard you seem to be trying/sticking with it though e.g with the meetups when so far you haven't been getting a lot out of them/what you'd really like out of them..............and sometimes it can be a matter of persevering.
Even just one more close friend would be good/alright, do you think??
But you know, for now, for a bit of companionship, a bit more interaction until..........it might help to drop into chat on here. There are usually people in there, and they may be able to give you some of the conversation you're looking for.
Anyway, just some thoughts...................
And if you want to talk a bit more about what's going on for you.............

Alison