You're definitely in need of professional help; i've not met anyone who could deal with eating disorders and self harm alone.

The good thing is that you're aware what you're doing isn't healthy; you've reached out here for support so is it entirely true that you don't want some sort of help? There's nothing wrong in it; as already mentioned, you can't be expected to face these sorts of battles alone. We need an outside perspective, someone with the capacity to help us reframe and tackle the issue with thought and behavioural modification.

You don't need a particular reason for self harm, nor will trying to justify the action assuage guilt. You were in emotional distress and needed relief - whether the cause was exhaustion, an argument, whatever. You did what you had to do.

The problem with self harm is that it doesn't actually work - the proof being in the fact that we keep doing it. Therefore it's imperative to actually deal with the issues that lead to such action in the first place. Self harming is like plastering over the cracks - it makes things look ok on the surface and seem manageable. But the underneath belies a different truth. So work on the structural problems - like the poor self esteem, the troubled past, relationship difficulties etc.

It's not an easy solution i grant you, but if these situations were easy in the first place most of us would have stopped self harming as quickly as we took it up. You may never be 100% free of it for the rest of your life, after all we all have relapses etc. but the important thing is to create a life whereby self harm isn't the first option.

I hope you feel better soon.